catharsis. do not read. i need to clear my mind once and for all.

strange semester i have. the first 2 weeks was spent as a dutiful gf at smu. but that didnt really work out as he gets busier. and right at the turn of the episode, trough i will say, comes a friend. friendship hence developed unknowingly. i wonder why is it different from the rest of buddies i have. but then again, every one is an individual. and sharing of woes and secrets thus form a friendship that is quite different. and enjoyable. i never know if its a bit more. but now that the episode is seeping away, im glad that i did not dig. im too spineless for my own good. and too honest for everyone's misfortunes. im deliberately writing in a dense manner to mow the messy lawn i have cultivated at the span of about 6 weeks. realised it is amazingly simple to fall for someone or rather develop feelings as long as u spent a certain amount of time together, talking. doesnt everyone crave companionship? everyone of us? no one wants to be left alone. i know im the one who cant stand lonliness or solitude if only for the span for one second. my mind is too sphagetti-fied for my own good. go in alone and good luck. i may never find the way home. my decentralising pillars consititute me. from new york, to aust, to korea. from tall to short, from guy to girls. back to topic. i really enjoyed spending time, hanging out, singing, tanning, shopping (kinda, i feel like a housekeeper) and playing with rilo and jacob. but we both know that nothing good nor lasting is ever gonna happen from this. i do not understand why am i so compliant, and why u keep showing all facets of ur life. why cant i just say no? yes im "bewitched" to a certain extent and i wish u will never ever find this note. let it be lost in cyberspace and i will look back a sem or 2 down the road and laugh at my thick-skin as i always do. my silly crushes. i have so many i cant count. im full of love yet i cant love completely. it will suck to my boy. i will hate to be my own boyfriend if i get to choose myself. smiles. all in all, im happy that this is gonna end and im gonna be sunny self again. yes, for this sem, i have been happy and alternating widely to the other end of the spectrum too. i love the ride. and glad it ended. it is an intermediary and now im back to shore. if im a guy, someone will cut away my cock for my infidelity. may it be in terms of emotional and time spent. i must have done something really good my previous life to deserve weekiat. he is a constant, and will remain this way. (till he realised i cant really love completely. im still learning. as a bitch as i am, i hope i realised sooner) A Stickler and A Dream. Mud and Water. i believe in horoscopes and yes i believe muddy water will ultimately stick on than evaporated steam.

hate myself for gg thru particular fb profile. like wtf. snooping to this level. back to essay writing

I am:
-freaking aching all over. cos of trying to support my own body weight 3 nights ago.
-Having a wreck of a PMS which involvoes wiping snot off my nose with my singlet while i typed
-Jus intentionally/subconsiously sabtoaged my own relationship cos i cant figure wth is wrong with me
-Being uptight with my coursework when in fact, im jus simply falling behind the readings (which prob half the sch population is, anyway)
-bloody pissed with my connection as im tryin to load my webcast lectures cos i freaking cant understand/ wasnt listening during lectures
-motherfucker pissed with myself
-and i dont know why

0- i hate this feeling. and jus wished my webcast can load in 1 piece. and stop giving me problems. wtfuck is wrong with me?

Never Expect Concern, Never Assume Affection. Blasé be the way.

It may be another case of the clash of hormones. "Dont expect concern if you are not giving it." This is what my mother teaches me.

I'm burnt. in both ways. My head is concussed. Literally and figuratively.

i sound like some emo kid. WTF

Seriously, i WANT o u t.

maybe staying at a hall aint too bad an idea after all.

sometimes, i SERiously cant stand it.

Why must i always be the one to "help out heads and tails" (direct translation from chinese)?
im sick of it. seriously.

What i received is a bottled up volcano of WTF emotions when im too occupied with my own stuff. For them, i should always leave a side of me available for disposal. I should always.. I should always.. I can never.. I can never.
What a perfect combination. What a brilliant arrangement.

Yes, I will nevER EXPECT this to be a haven.

Sociology really widens my perspectives. One seriously should NEVER expect. safe haven? *self mock*
No expectations= no disappointment


C'est vrai. Vraiment.
Je ne suis pas le choix.
c'est trise. C'est tres trise.
Ne parle pas. Ne parle faux pas. Ne parle pas. Ne parle pas.

How do i express what im now without being angsty or emo?

Cant get my spirits up. BloODy Weather. Assignment's deadline's nearning, but i havent even started it yet. Stared at the comp for 2 hours blankly. Thank god ive my muay thai tonight. And somehow everyone seem real busy with their own lives. Man, even my cat. That girly went out with her hunk of a neighbourhood cat, a ginger Mum christened as Richard. Dont ask me why/ how Mom came up with that name. But Richard just sounds like some 40-50 year old 'uncle' over at the kopitiam next door. Wonder how many "Richard" will turn when i call my surrogate son-in-law. (Think my kitty's preggy. Mom swears that she could feel vibrations in Mimi's tummy) Oh well, given how the 2 (mimi and richard) humped each other right out open in the streets. And thru' the night in fact. Hiak, on V day itself, how appropriate.

SHIT. I still hasnt started on my assgt.

my brain went on vacations.

Hope Phuket wont be in political unrest, come May. Dad's kinda okay with the idea of me holidaying overseas alr. Just that he's worried whatever unrest there may be there. Jia lat, how can i gurantee a country's stability to Dad?

Repeat, i seriously dread glooomy weather. Drags my mood down. True Piscesean. Im a moody pig with lots of flatulence. Ate too much these days. Underground wing of stress. So now, im sleepy, moody and farty. wtf, i still hasnt start on my assgt yet.

Man, im so in awe with all the multi-hyphenated ppl out there. Hall President-USP scholar-Team captain-parttimer-CAP 5.o. *BOW DOWN*

me= Lazybones+irresponsible+hedonistic

shit, i feel like crying again.

Mimi's back! The prodigal daughter returns home. And true to that effect, she spent the night snuggled in my blankets. Any amount of pushing her down will just draw her deeper into the fabric.

Had a wierd dream last night, I gave birth to a baby girl (or was it a kitten?) And everyone i know was helping me take care of the infant. So much to the effect that the baby doesnt know how to say "Mummy"
Man, i must be so drained after that soci exam.
How strange is that? Let's just take a look at those mumbo-jumbo dream interpretion, for the kick of it.

As an object in dreams, a baby or child represents something that requires great care and attention. The meaning is at issue regarding whether it is your original responsibility or one that has been passed off on you by someone else. These dreams may also have wish-fulfillment content for women who are in their childbearing years
http://predictions.astrology.com/dd/babychild.html

Strange~

Hmm, or perhaps its my bloody hormones acting up again. Moodswings, flustered, throwing tantrums for no good reason. I already have a paitence-deficiency. Add Oestrogen and Progesterone surge to that combo..Bang! U have an emotional wreck. Goodness, i actually wanna cry in the middle of a crowded junction. (oh yea, plus tear duct overactivity)

And boy, its no fault of yours. Dont go self-blaming when its my hormones working overtime. Just have my "antidote" on hand. Lucky we were near Cold Storage. And hon, I'm sorry. (Again!) I'm such a emo-wreck of a bitch. I hate it when im like that. Gosh, i sound like some drug addict/spouse abuser/drunk.

Presenting...MiMi! (Currently AWOL, hope that she's not kit-napped)

Miss MiMi! ( a tongueful to say)

I love this shot (below)

Boxing Kitty
Roommate

She didnt return home last night. Someone kit-napped my kitten! She's around 4 months old.

A bonafide camwhore. She literally poses for her shots. Which moodafooka kitnapped my cat?! She has a yellow collar, and blatantly fearless. Or rather the concept of fear hasnt internalised in her yet.

Please come back, Mimi. I will rent out a corner of bed for u.