catharsis. do not read. i need to clear my mind once and for all.

strange semester i have. the first 2 weeks was spent as a dutiful gf at smu. but that didnt really work out as he gets busier. and right at the turn of the episode, trough i will say, comes a friend. friendship hence developed unknowingly. i wonder why is it different from the rest of buddies i have. but then again, every one is an individual. and sharing of woes and secrets thus form a friendship that is quite different. and enjoyable. i never know if its a bit more. but now that the episode is seeping away, im glad that i did not dig. im too spineless for my own good. and too honest for everyone's misfortunes. im deliberately writing in a dense manner to mow the messy lawn i have cultivated at the span of about 6 weeks. realised it is amazingly simple to fall for someone or rather develop feelings as long as u spent a certain amount of time together, talking. doesnt everyone crave companionship? everyone of us? no one wants to be left alone. i know im the one who cant stand lonliness or solitude if only for the span for one second. my mind is too sphagetti-fied for my own good. go in alone and good luck. i may never find the way home. my decentralising pillars consititute me. from new york, to aust, to korea. from tall to short, from guy to girls. back to topic. i really enjoyed spending time, hanging out, singing, tanning, shopping (kinda, i feel like a housekeeper) and playing with rilo and jacob. but we both know that nothing good nor lasting is ever gonna happen from this. i do not understand why am i so compliant, and why u keep showing all facets of ur life. why cant i just say no? yes im "bewitched" to a certain extent and i wish u will never ever find this note. let it be lost in cyberspace and i will look back a sem or 2 down the road and laugh at my thick-skin as i always do. my silly crushes. i have so many i cant count. im full of love yet i cant love completely. it will suck to my boy. i will hate to be my own boyfriend if i get to choose myself. smiles. all in all, im happy that this is gonna end and im gonna be sunny self again. yes, for this sem, i have been happy and alternating widely to the other end of the spectrum too. i love the ride. and glad it ended. it is an intermediary and now im back to shore. if im a guy, someone will cut away my cock for my infidelity. may it be in terms of emotional and time spent. i must have done something really good my previous life to deserve weekiat. he is a constant, and will remain this way. (till he realised i cant really love completely. im still learning. as a bitch as i am, i hope i realised sooner) A Stickler and A Dream. Mud and Water. i believe in horoscopes and yes i believe muddy water will ultimately stick on than evaporated steam.