of delude. detour n disheartened

If there's one thing that i hate most in the world, will be the feeling of being lied to. OR in other cases, deluded abt.

And if there's another thing to feel upmost distress, is to be lied to by those whom u held close to ur heart.

In addition to that, is to be lied to by ur closest n cant have the heart to feel anythin negative towards them.

its better to b held in circles by someone u hate than b deluded by ur closest fren.
at least, for the former, u can actually shoot daggers at them. but for the latter, the only target u can shoot daggers to, is urself. for trustin them so much, n yet being hidden in the dark.

sometimes, all it takes to get a favour, is to ask it out in the open.
instead of leadin the person on, n lettin her know ONLY when the truth cant b held on any longer.

n to b foolishly used as a shield, n only realising that u are ridden with holes when the archer told u that u r a hinderance to the target.

n the target telling u that u r to serve as a detour to the archer.



so, wad makes me of all these?

i am a detour, a roadblock, a shield.

sometimes im just plain sick to b a protector.
plain sick. sick to the stomach.
n ironically, Rae means protector of the wise.

yes, i think a foolish protector of the wise will b more fitting.

Of beliefs. principles n Friendships

each of us is like a barrel of secrets.beliefs n principles.
so wad will u do when someone places a hand in ur barrel n give it a gd hard stir?

they may b doin it all for the gd of u. maybe smth is really wrong with ur entire system which forces them to turn ur world upside down inside out so as to give u a spankin new reboot

i believe the person who did it is doing neither right nor wrong. the matter can not b simply denominated to "am i doing the right thing for u?"

sometimes, someone jus gotta to do it

but the crux is, Why did the person do it for u?
n Why the person will not give u a gd hard stir?

my belief in friendships is never b a judge of my frens' actions.
frens r like circles of a venn diagram, interwinin with u, standin by u, but nv overtaking ur space.

but, for others, being a gd fren, means pulling u back when ur hair is stinged by the fire, n tellin u off for playin that beautiful fireworks that only lasts for a moment.

perhaps for others, being a gd fren means steppin into the picture to rustle u up to make u see sense.

mayb im simply jus not wise enough to make decisions for others. since i could hardly make decisions for myself at times.

but one gd thing which i shall keep in the back of my head at all times,
(thank u dino for givin me this gd ol' pc of advice!)

it is, Never to let your guard down.
-adding to that, i will nv take things at face value. ever again.




n barrels of secrets, shall n always shall, remains as the basis of the Ya-ya Sisterhood.

pros n cons of workin

lets start with the BAD POINTS FIRST! UGH!!!

1- gotta wake up DAMN FREAKING EARLY
unearthly hrs...best waking time SHLD b prog into bosses' heads as 11am.

2- gotta ans/attend to cust who are at the pt of blowing up
i feel as if im at the frontline of a battlegrd. believe me, it is that bad.

3- always went home with sore throat n red ears
n my lips r freakin chapped n sore red

4- the place is damn cold
i was practically shivering there Even w a sweater

5- gotta walk a damn long dist home AFTer takin train/ bus
( moi walked for blooody half an hr cos i mistaken 166 to b 133...i practically walked the entire span of Bishan Park, and mind u, it is a freakin big park.)

6- i lost my appetite after working
its the calls. they make u hungry for comfort while on the job. n full of frustrations after it.

7- i woke up everyDAY with red eyes
i look like a vampire on train. pale skin. red eyes.

8- i m certain that my bp went up after takin this job.
lets jus hope that i dont die of stroke b4 i got my paycheck.

9- i wont even get to c my family n frens on wkends. i will only have 3 days of wkend free till the end of FEb. i gotta work on my birthday (MAN!!!!) on V-day (not so bad..) on 2nd day of CNY (waHH!) man oh man...



ok, now the good points. i need smth to cheer myself up.



1- i will have $ after the job. n its gd moolah. 7/hr. n i intend to clock in some OT. which means, maybe 10.50-14/hr. woah.
why else wld i take up this job?

2-i slimmed down after the job.
no appetite. walkin at least 3 bus stops after work. rushing for bus. worryin being late. adrenaline rush every morning. = if i dont slim down after feb, i donno how else i can slim down

3- i only have bare with 1 more mth of shit. ginny has to go on till june..poor ginny.

4-i have ginny there.
this is more than enough said. haha. 4 word- 1 comfort

5-i met my fren's fren there. (jasmine) one more familar face.
n got a bunch of colleagues who are sufferin w me..hah

6-i hav a colleague that lives near me. n hes gonna get his driving licence soon! hahah..free rides!

7-i can go n shop after feb. to compensate for all the distress caused.
AND, i will have $ to indulge in myself. soothing my soul with retail therapy. n good food.
i will get to indulge my siblings n parents too!
promised my lil bro w sushi buffet! that lil dude is like Mini me! hiak..same personality.

8-i can make myself useful. instead of slackin at home n b a bum.
n my parents r like so proud of me, finally one child can fly outta d nest n deal w the world.

9- sense of independence. wad a price to pay.

gotta try to round up some ppl to shop!!
ta-DA!

work

working now.

1st day of work
didnt do much. tagged ard an uppperstudy. listening to how they handle customers. damn amazed how they r able to placate irritatin, annoying b******s n b****es frm hell. didn feel that i learnt much cos i suck at listening...its like lectures. u stone off. u think u r listenin to everythin. but 5 min later, u 4gotten wad actually happened at the conversation. oh man.

But, the silver lining is...met a grp of new pals who r newcomers as well.
there r
-- this cool ex-bartender
--a chatty post-ns dude
--a pretty & cool chinese girl
--a kawaii 16yr old malay girl who likes a Jap schgal
--a friendly malay girl who's always smiling

its like orientation when i met them! hiak, mayb cos all of us r new to d job. naturally we gel tgt. nice feeling knowing new frens..

2nd day of work
was assigned to Ginny! man, im like smiling to myself when i got the post. guess my smile was too big when the personnel actually asked me if i was assigned to gin the day be4.. haha..
its no wonder how my genteel n friendly buddy is so up to her job.

then, its after lunch.
im attached to another upperstudy. but i wil have to take calls.
man oh man, that was the most horrible 3hrs of my life.
kana scolded by this bloody bloody bloody S.O.B left right centre n hung up high on the ceiling fan
luckily my upperstudy is such a great gal n really did everythin she could to deal w the matter. if i were in her shoes coaching me, i would have vomitted blood long ago. i basically blundered my way thru n made a big mess outta everythin.
was bloody miserable when i got home.
but, hay hay, i didnt cry, haha. great accomplishment on my part ok? :p

3rd day of work
met this nice malay dude n funny indian man. damn nice ppl to work with. damn paitent ppl who r willin to guide when im in doubt. couldnt ask for more.

yay! dunnit to work on 1st day of CNY!!

Of Dreams N Interviews

Have you ever dreamt of opening doors in your dreams at one place, and the door opens to another region of your life? e.g. like opening a door at your granny's place and it opens to your primary school? hiak, i always end up in my primary school canteen in my dreams. And, its like walking up one staircase and realised that it ends up at a place that it isnt supposed to connect to? All those mismatched regions of your life in terms of time. place and people all weaved into a single dream. Maybe thats how life is. Maybe everything of a life is supposed to end up this way. Like your primary school fren could end up as your sibling's spouse. Such a common scenario.

And if things are supposed to come your way, it will come to you no matter how much you rejected it. Went for this interview today, the interviewee is bleedy displeased cos i hav no idea how to get to the venue. Oops! And when he asked me the jobscope, i gave him some wrong answer. Double Oops! and an even worse impression. But, the thing is I got the Job. But i rejected it cos the person seems to state ALL THE UNPLEASing points of the job. Okay, i know the person is such a nice soul, to gimme all the reality checks n the things to expect. But!

Then, a resume that i sent like half a month ago finally replied. And i hav a strong intuition that its the same job. See, it comes to you aGain.

But, man, for 1 1/2 months, i wont have weekends.. Anyone wanna go Sentosa. ECP for beach n kayaking with me on a wkday? WAHHHHhh...

ok ok ok. EArn $, Play later.

im SO gonna SHOP once i get my paycheck.


and i havent even got the job.


thats jus a technical detail. :)

gibberish

i hate rainy days. hiak, and i realised that the interviews that i went on rainy days were nv successful. which is like ALL THE interviews. Hmm, okie, since its ANOTHER rainy day today. i shall go for my interview on Monday. As much as i hate the agony of anticipation n waiting. Who knows? Monday may be a BRIGHT.SUNNY.HAPPY day. ARhhh~ my fav kinda day. the days that u cant help but to smile to the sky.

someone's going into army today. obiquak.


and i realised that i hav only fall in love twice b4. and i became more bitter after those 2 times. Man, isnt that sad? Shouldnt love be all Bright Sunny Happy? with butterflies flying everywhere..autumn leaves cascading down the sky as the warm breeze carassed ur cheeks? and i live in a fairytale.

and, man, i dont even know wad is love. who am i to know?

adding to that, guys and girls should never be best of frens. hiak, that coming from me...the one who always hang around a group of dudes. But, the best of frens i talked about is well, a selected few. and i realised i always make the same mistakes...DONT I EVER LEARN?!!

Man, im just freakin thankfully glad that i have my circle of SISTAS. hiak, dont i always go one big round and come to the same conclusion?

its all the rainy days' fault. the world's miseries.
If only things were that easy.
If only the blame for all things unfortunate could be shifted to a weather change.
If only things always go the way we want.
If only i stop wearing my heart on my sleeve.
If only . If only . If only .


im still slacking at home. Not that i hate it a lot. Its just that one day, i may wake up and realised that i have somehow degraded to a pile of mud on my bed.


Chinese New YEAR is COMING!!!
means, my BIRTHDAY IS COMING!!

dont i just love the month of February?
the month of love .
ArHhhhh....
**may everyone hug each other**
that will be funny..imagine those burly men at war, dropping their weapons, huggin their enemies and crying for the lost love in the world. well, that has a possibility of occurrence, maybe like in a million years. maybe not even in a million years.


its been a long time since i last saw squishy. and ChengYang.. arh, i miss HIM!!! dunno where on earth he disappeared to? the last time i saw him was during O level results. and im not even sure if i have seen him properly. man, dont i miss ndp.

weekend's coming. my week has ended again without me knowing. oops!
i wanna eat gelato.

and i realised this entry is like all gibberish. mindless ranting.

new yr eve

LAST DAY OF THE YEAR.

first of ALL, im HAPPPY that the Year has ended. my gawd, my 18th year. as uneventful as it is eventful.

emotional-wise, it has been a helluva roller-coaster. Man, aint i glad it's OVER.

Jan- cant remember much.
Feb- MY BirTHDAY!!
March- pon school a lot of times i guess
April- hated schoool..Enjoying KickBoxing!!
May- there were some exams..were there?
June- 4/1 Class trip!! My 1st kayaking experience! WORLD CUP!
July- Zidane's Head. My gawd, my heart nearly broke then. CHOYA! lovely experience!
Aug- 8th. there was a flood. glad that i have a support system, who threw me a buoy.
Sept- A levels impending
Oct- went by in a flash
Nov- THE A's
Dec- rotted at home


my, the year seems wasted, isnt it?
well, its already gone. its past midnight. 2007, HERE I COME!

this is already a optimistic entry...hiak, cos jade and i did a MENTAL SPRING CLEANING at a cave at Bugis. DISHed out the dirt. Air our DIRTY laundry. AND welcome the new year a new PERSON!

i think new year resolutions are quite a waste of time, cos dont think i have followed anyone of them over the years. If i wanna do something now, i will do it. If not, wait until the cows come home, ill be still doodling around..

became more mellow these days. lack excitement in life man..

when the mind is free, something will come along.----power of nothingness.
guess its due to the fact that the mind is not obessed with something, and that the true self will reveal itself. And, this brings out the magnetism?

let nature takes its course.



a gd wine needs time to mature.



if its meant to be, it will come in a full circle in due course.



who knows? we will meet each other off the streets in 10 years time and realised that the time is right.